Toy Room List

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A friend asked me for gift ideas for her 2 year-old boy and I told her cars and trucks…and that I also have a good list of toys that every child should have. I used to do play therapy.  I would bring children into a play room and play and talk in certain way to develop a special kind of relationship. A child’s vocabulary is limited so they use objects to express themselves.  If children have these toys at home it can help to increase their emotional intelligence*.  Here is a modified list for the home (modified from Play Therapy-The Art of the Relationship by Garry L. Landreth, a book for play therapists, not parents). They fall under 3 categories 1) real-life toys, 2) acting-out aggressive-release toys and 3) toys for creative expression and emotional release. You may already have a well-equipped play room.  You don’t need all the toys on this list, but you should have toys from each category. These are non-gender specific so if you have boys don’t be afraid to get them toys that are stereotypically for girls. Some are household items…which we all know often become the favorite toys…these don’t all have to be right in the play room…after all the whole house is basically a play room for us. Art supplies are also included. (Small font is my comments.)

doll furniture (I really want a wood doll house even though I have 2 boys…Simon often plays with these when they are in other toy rooms)
bendable doll family (bendable is best…even if they can just bend at the waist, but non-bendable is better than nothing)
dolls
doll bed, clothes, etc.
pacifier
plastic baby bottle
purse and jewelry
chalkboard, chalk, eraser
refrigerator
stove
dishes
pans, silverware
pitcher
dishpan
play food (I recommend Melissa & Doug because they allow them to really create a dish)
fruit and vegetable cans
egg cartons
sponge towel
broom, dust pan
soap, brush, comb
crayons, pencils, paper
transparent tape, paste
toy watch
building blocks (different shapes and sizes)
paints, easel, newsprint, brushes
playdough or clay
Lone Ranger-type mask (I am hoping to make 2 of these for Christmas out of felt)
pipe cleaners
tongue depressors, popsicle sticks
riding toy
truck, car, airplane, tractor, boat
school bus
pounding bench and hammer
xylophone
cymbals
drum (we have this one and it has a great sound)
toy soldiers and army equipment
firefighter’s hat, other hats
sandbox, large spoon, funnel, sieve, pail
zoo animals, farm animals (realistic looking ones…these were Simon’s obsession until Buzz Lightyear joined our family)
rubber snake, alligator
Bobo (bop bag)
rubber knife
hand cuffs
dart gun
toy noise-making gun (I still have a hard time having toy guns…I don’t have any but I’m not opposed to them)
balls (large and small)
telephone (two…old cell phones would be great for this generation)
blunt scissors
construction paper
medical kit
bandaids
play money and cash register
rags or old towels
hand puppets (doctor, nurse, police officer, mother, father, sister, brother, baby, alligator, wolf…that is their specific list, but any puppets provide a great way for children to express things they are afraid to say directly)
Tinker toys
rope
tissues (on the list, but I can’t figure out how they would stay in the box in a play room for more than 10 minutes)

A few things I would add:
occupational dress up clothes (fireman, police officer, chef, construction worker…I love the Melissa & Doug ones
occupational people figures (I have this set of occupational people and a set of people with disabilities and I got these out of storage and the boys play with them all the time…Simon’s favorite is the fireman and Jack’s is the “baker man.”)
child’s aprons (so they can help in the kitchen…of course, if you have a chef outfit this can be used)

*Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman is a must read for every parent. Gottman also well known for his research/books on marriage…this one is the most popular and I recommend it.

What Women Want

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Shiri Cohen, Ph.D. of Harvard Medical School and Mass General Hospital, is the lead author on some great new couples research that’s pertinent to EFT.  She and her team have completed a fascinating study!  Below are links to the journal article as well as to some responses from public media outlets (NPR & Time’s Healthland). Here’s a blurb:

Surprisingly, the researchers found, women were more likely to report higher relationship satisfaction when they could read their partners’ anger or frustration than when they could identify their happiness. No, it’s not that women revel in their significant others’ distress; rather, it’s that they prefer negative emotion to withdrawal or silence. “For women, seeing their husband or boyfriend upset is a reflection of their partner’s emotional engagement. When women see their male partners sharing their negative emotions, they see it as a sign of connection, openness and communication. Women don’t like it when men distance themselves during conflict,” says the study’s lead author, Dr. Shiri Cohen of Harvard Medical School.

http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/fam-26-2-236.pdf 

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/03/06/148049574/upset-men-and-the-happy-women-who-love-them 


This is fascinating.  Helps me understand myself better on so many levels!

The Power of Vulnerability

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Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston.  She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. In the video link below she gives great insight such as “the one thing that keeps us out of connection is the fear that we’re not worthy of connection” and “what differentiates people who have a strong sense of love and belonging is that they believe they are worthy of love and belonging.”  She speaks about her journey towards vulnerability and it is well worth listening to. You can also download the transcript.


Link: The Power of Vulnerability

Be Generous

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Interesting articles here and here.  I wish I had a generosity scale to see how I am doing!  Fortunately my husband was the one that read these first and passed them on to me.  Maybe he’ll come home with a present.  Here’s to hopin’!

Al Green: Let’s Stay Together Lyrics

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I just love this song!

I, I’m so in love with you
Whatever you want to do is all right with me
‘Cause you make me feel so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you
Let me say that since, alright, since we’ve been together
Loving you forever is what I need
Oh let me be the one you come running to
I’ll never be untrue
Oh let’s, let’s stay together
Lovin’ you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad, alright, oh yeah
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad
Oh tell me why, why, why, why, why
Why people break up, turn around and make up
I can’t see, you’d never, never, never do that to me
(Would you baby), ’cause staying around you is all I,
All these eyes will ever see
Let’s, let’s stay together
Lovin’ you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad
Everybody says, “Let’s, let’s stay together
I’ll keep on lovin’ you whether, whether
Times are, oh times are good or times are bad
Whether, whether good or bad, happy or sad
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Book Review: Hold Me Tight

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Someone asked me the other day what I do when a couple comes to see me. I told her that with couples I use a research based method of practice called Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT). Sue Johnson, the creator of EFT has published the book Hold Me Tight, which offers readers a refreshing new way of looking at their love relationships.

I would not recommend that distressed couples rely solely on this book, but it is a great resource to improve any marriage. The following is an excerpt from the description on the inside cover of her book:
“The message of Hold Me Tight is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing and protection.”
The book takes couples through seven conversations to help them become more attuned to their emotional connection with each other. These conversations will help couples to create a secure bond that will continue to grow over time.
Research proves EFT to be significantly more effective than other forms of couple therapy. I love how this book challenges the current culture of extreme individuality and personal independence. I think it takes more strength to rely on someone and to be relied on in return than it does to be independent. And the benefits are far greater! You can read more about EFT here.

A Good Quote

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“The brain is like a catcher’s mitt waiting for social interaction.”


Jim Coan, Ph.D., University of Virginia stated at the EMU Attachment Conference, Spring 2011

I was at the grocery store today with my son and we bought bananas. He wanted one right away so once we got everything in the car, we pulled out a banana. I was sitting in the driver’s seat peeling it and I noticed the woman in the parking spot facing me waving her banana at me…once she got my attention she raised her banana as if to make a toast. I toasted back. I might have thought this was a rather random, even odd, exchange, but when considered in the context of this quote it seems entirely normal, even delightful. I personally appreciated the exchange.

Book Review: Raising Your Spirited Child

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I have heard great things about this book, but hadn’t read it until recently. Mostly because I didn’t think my child was “spirited.” I was a little relieved by that fact, but I can’t deny I relished moments with his “spirited” friends. Well, he turned 4 and things changed. What do you know? According to this book we’ve got spirit. Lots of it!
Kurcinka measures “spirit” by assessing 9 characteristics. They are: intensity, persistence, sensitivity, perceptiveness, adaptability, regularity, energy, first reaction, and mood. Part I: Understanding Spirit contains a description of these characteristics and a quiz to assess how spirited your child is by category and collectively. Part II: Working With Spirit takes you through each characteristic to better learn how to address the needs of your child. Part III: Living With Spirit takes you through mealtime, bedtime and other daily activities. Other chapters include Part IV: Socializing with Spirit (playing which children, vacations and holidays) and Part V: Enjoying Spirit.

This was one of the most comforting quotes from the book. It is one of 5 credos the author offers to parents of spirited children at the beginning of the book:

“You did not make your spirited child. You are but one of many influences in your child’s

life. Other parent(s), relatives, siblings, teachers, neighbors, friends, life experiences, and the world at large all play a part. You make a big difference but not the only difference.”


And I would add to that…they have their own little personality…or rather big personality in a little body.
*Should you be interested in getting a former edition, it looks like the image to the right.