Since I’ve studied attachment I’ve become more cognizant of moments with my children that define our attachment. One of the key moments in an attachment relationship are hellos and goodbyes. Jack does not let these moments pass him by! Here are a few moments that I felt worth documenting…
Whenever we get to preschool I have Jack go to the bathroom. He likes to use the big bathroom in the community center, specifically the mens…because he is, after all, a little man. Then since the sink it too high for him to wash his hands he washes his hands in the preschool room. He insists that I help him through this process. One day I got talking to his teacher and forgot to have him go. He went in to play with his friends. Wanting to run out and get hacking away at my to do list I thought I could convince him to just say goodbye now and then he could use the preschool bathroom. I say, “do you want to just say goodbye now?” Politely he said, “no thanks, I’ll say goodbye after I go potty.” He clearly wanted me to stick with our ritual.
One time Jeff was dropping me off at work and the boys were buckled into the backseat. I was running late so I jumped out and ran. Per Jeff’s report Jack went into primal panic mode and started crying and screaming, “I need to tell mom something.” and began frantically unbuckling his seatbelt. Jeff picked up on how critical whatever he needed to say was and waved me down. When I got back Jack said he needed a hug and a kiss.
Jack insists on riding with Dad to take Simon to the bus stop (we drive because the stop is a ridiculous walk). One day I took him and I didn’t yet know the ritual. Jack chose to stay in the car so I got Simon out and walked away. We were there for about 5 minutes at the stop and when I got back I had realized Jack was crying the whole time…because he didn’t get to give Simon and hug and a kiss.
Simon on the other hand…despite being a fairly anxious kid…I am taken by how quickly he can confidently move into to new situations. I remember the first day I took him to summer school and he walked in that door with hundred other kids. I felt his hand fidgiting (and my heart racing) and then his hand just slipped out of mine and he walked away and did not even turn around to wave goodbye. It ripped my heart out and every day since I have made sure that I make sure I get my hug and kiss. It doesn’t usually occur to him, but he is always happy I asked. Even though he doesn’t ask I believe it is one small way to assure he knows I love him to pieces.
