Parents of young children are often preoccupied with how best to establish strong bonds with their little ones. We long for meaningful interactions. We hope that our children will both initiate and positively receive these interactions, which we also hope will be a source of strength for both parties. The mental health world uses the word “attachment” to describe this type of essential bond. Years of research shows that secure attachments are essential to our health and well-being. When we have it, we thrive. When we lack it, we suffer. Simply put, we are wired for this connection. (more…)
Gratitude by Louie Schwartzberg
The Strength of Inter-dependency
This is a guest post from my respected colleague Robin Cohen. Robin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who is certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. She is in private practice in Herndon, Virginia. Robin completed an intense post-Master’s program in Marriage and Family Therapy at Virginia Tech in 1994. She subsequently became an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech where she supervised graduate students in the university clinic. Robin was selected as a “Top Therapist” by Washingtonian Magazine in 2009 and 2012. Robin will be co-facilitating the Hold Me Tight Workshop on November 7th and 8th in McLean.
The Strength of Inter-dependency
In a culture that promotes independence, self-sufficiency, and rugged individualism, the notion of inter-dependency in love relationships might be difficult to accept. So often I hear a partner say, “I have never relied on anyone, only myself.” Yet, the concept of depending on one’s partner to be there especially at critical times is paramount to a healthy relationship and a secure attachment. (more…)
Pure & Simple Love
I’ve been ever so pleasantly distracted. This little human came into my life not too long ago. I have been taken by how simply looking into his eyes can make him smile. The body curls and coos that accompany fill me up completely. Words are irrelevant. It’s that innate pleasure and responsiveness associated with genuine human connection that we are born with. This exchange helps us to thrive at any age. Let us remember that each and every one of us are wired for connection. Let your love shine through to the one(s) you love today!
How to Celebrate Your Love Today!
Here is a letter that Gary wrote for our Hold Me Tight Love Letters & Updates (you can sign up to receive these here) with ideas to help make today a day to bond, connect, and celebrate your love. I loved his thoughts and will definitely be taking time to have this conversation with the one I love today. Happy Valentines Day! Enjoy.Dear Lovers,
Happy Valentine’s Day! Did you remember to do something for your love? This year, I discovered several apps engineered to help us with this centuries old observance of lovers and friends. Apps for flowers, cards, quotes, recipes, music, restaurants or getaways, and thankfully chocolate…lots of chocolate. It’s easy to get that thoughtful gesture on it’s way to your partner, but how about taking it to a deeper level? Make this a day to really bond, connect, and celebrate your love.
Why do you have sex?
There was a fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal recently about what motivates couples to have sex and how the motivation impacts their relationship. The article explains that “new research from the University of Toronto shows that the reasons why partners have sex in the first place also significantly affect marital satisfaction. And a person’s motive for making love tonight may make a difference to the health of his or her relationship months from now.” The researchers narrowed 237 motivations for having sex into two categories 1) to achieve a positive outcome i.e. feel closer to my partner, and 2) to avoid a negative outcome, i.e., avoid conflict or avoid guilt.
Inspirational Quote: Meant to Be
Sometimes we are lead to believe that if we have a healthy relationship we will not fight, we will be able to avoid contention at all times, we will always be there for each other, and our marriage will always feel strong and secure. As we learn about and strive for values of love, respect and unity in marriage, (valuable attributes indeed) we can at times feel like if we don’t have those all of the time then we are guilty of something terrible. We may feel we aren’t good people, we aren’t Christlike, or perhaps we put the blame on our spouse. Are there really couples out there that go through a lifetime of marriage and don’t feel strain at some point or another? I would like to meet them. We all encounter struggles and at some point in the life of a marriage the vast majority of us will feel that our ship is sinking, or has already gone down.
9/11 – The Quality of our Relationships Impacts Our Capacity to Heal
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| Visit 911day.org to pledge your good deed. |
Where were you when you learned about the attack on the World Trade Centers and who did you call first?
I imagine most of us, regardless of how far we were from New York City or Washington, D.C. on September 11, 2001, remember exactly who we called first. We most likely talked soon with those who were near and dear to us. I remember feeling so vulnerable that day. I was living in Salt Lake City, Utah and the first person I remember talking to was my new found love of my life who was living 30 miles away in Provo. When crisis hits our instinct is to reach out to our attachment figures. We seek connection. We seek comfort and safety…which is what a secure attachment figure provides.
Conversations for Connection – October 18-19 & November 9
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I’m again looking forward to a wonderful weekend in October. Seems far away now, but it always comes fast once the groove of Fall gets going.
On October 18-19 we will be hosting Part I of the Hold Me Tight Program in McLean, VA. If you don’t yet know much about Hold Me Tight read on. For 25 years Sue Johnson has been researching marriage based on the framework of adult attachment theory. Through her research she created Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT). The results have been powerful in proving it’s effectiveness. EFT is the most researched model of couples therapy. Sixteen rigorous studies show consistently high positive outcomes in 8-20 sessions. In 2008, Sue published her first pop culture book called Hold Me Tight – Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Then she created the curriculum for The Hold Me Tight Program.
Date Night – Friday, September 13
I’m really excited for our date night. Here are some details in case you are wondering:
What’s the plan?
7:00 – 8:00 p.m. Relationship education and tools for connection
8:00 – 8:30 p.m. Couples break for some guided application in a private setting
8:30 – 9:00 p.m. Regroup for discussion
9:00 – 10:00 p.m. A brief dance lesson and dancing
