9/11 – The Quality of our Relationships Impacts Our Capacity to Heal

by , under attachment, EFT, Hold Me Tight, relationships, trauma

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your good deed.

Where were you when you learned about the attack on the World Trade Centers and who did you call first?

I imagine most of us, regardless of how far we were from New York City or Washington, D.C. on September 11, 2001, remember exactly who we called first.  We most likely talked soon with those who were near and dear to us.  I remember feeling so vulnerable that day.  I was living in Salt Lake City, Utah and the first person I remember talking to was my new found love of my life who was living 30 miles away in Provo.  When crisis hits our instinct is to reach out to our attachment figures.  We seek connection.  We seek comfort and safety…which is what a secure attachment figure provides.

Now here I am in living in Washington, D.C.  I’ve heard friends recount their experience that day.  They walked home from work no matter how many miles.  It must have been an intense experience to be walking down I-395 with thousands of other people.

EFT Trainer, George Faller, LMFT is a recently retired lieutenant of the FDNY.  Having begun his education to become a therapist in 1995, George brought EFT to the emergency responders and his firefighter colleagues after 9/11.  He shares his experience on NBC here: Changed by 9/11, firefighter counsels peers.  Likewise, the EFT community in Colorado has extended support to Denver Police Officers and their partners.  As you can imagine, the article says, “many people in the department (and in the world)…”are suspicious of and tend to avoid situations that employ words such as ’emotion, therapy, love, attachment and bonding.'”  But EFT has been tried and tested and has proved to be the answer to a healthy love relationship, a central component to healing from traumatic life experiences.  

Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love contains a chapter about the power of love to heal traumatic wounds.  Her research has She explains how “the quality of our central relationships affects how we face and heal from trauma, and as everything moves in a circle, trauma has an impact on our relationships with the people we love.”

As we learn about negative patterns in our relationships it is important that we understand how traumatic or stressful life circumstances affect our interactions.  If you’ve experienced traumatic circumstances it is worth learning how your partner can strengthen you and help you to overcome the way it grips you.

If you or someone you love has been impacted I encourage you to seek support.  Don’t be afraid or ashamed to seek help.  That will only hold you back.  Find a good therapist.  If you are in a relationship I recommend attending a The Hold Me Tight Workshops (next one is October 18-19) to learn together.  If you are looking for a simple way to observe 9/11 you can simply make a pledge to do a good deed at 911day.org.

How has 9/11 impacted you?  What will you be doing today to remember 9/11?